fashion brigade…hmmm

The Fashion Bitch goes ringa ringa roses for a ring tone

Hi sweeties! I am back again. How was your weekend? These late nights, hangovers, alcohol…I need to see a dietician before I get out of shape.

Girls always look for a short cut to glory. The Nivea Visage Femina Miss India contest aims at giving a wild card entry in the Femina Miss india to its winner.

Diana Hayden was the judge. What‘s wrong with this ex-Miss world? Isn‘t her wardrobe well organized?

She dragged out her Versace-Cavalli looking imitation bed-sheet to give it to her tailor to stitch it into this atrocious gown. Single or double shaded gowns look best for such occasions. And why is it so loose? Is she pregnant?

Hasn‘t she gained oodles of weight? I hate the dress, for a minute she almost made me hate her too. I might have been quietened into remission had she not have her bouncers netted in that fish-net wrap.

Look closely, what‘s with her modesty covered in that horrible tulle gauze?

Another beauty pageant was held in the city-The Ford super model contest, and guess who was the judge. Lady Charlie Chaplin. Atleast that‘s what Kangana Ranaut came across to me at the first glance.

What‘s happening to her sense of style? Didn‘t she find a new designer after she fought with Rick Roy? Is this her way to promote ‘Raaz 2‘? The tramp, the clown, the horror, what the ef!

Everything is in place except for the missing walking stick and the pencil thin moustache. Watch out Sridevi. Kangana Run-out!

The Bitch‘s sources are spread across the world, and pics from the CCTC premiere held at Manhattan, are here.

After reading the Bitch‘s comments, Dippy decided to heed my advice and was dressed in a red cocktail dress with a stylish hairdo and killer heels.

She‘s looking fresh and spiffy, but a shade lighter, in the red would have done the magic babes. You somehow remind me of a red chillies production…a red hot chilli turning ketchup.

Kats is gracing loads of occasions these days. After the auto India car award, she was invited to launch a health club. In a pretty aqua-blue churidaar, she looks pretty in the outfit.

I like the fall of the kurta. Some simple accessories are missing though. Even a dupatta would help no?

Piggy chops was hello-hello-ing at a phone launch. After a series of fashion blunders over the past few months, the girl was smartly dressed in a short denim dress.

Though I wonder who wears a denim dress on this planet? It‘s so damn eighties or god knows when that sort of thing was hip.

The girl should however, get rid of her phony expression, which is beginning to make me feel she‘s patsy…the same expression we have been seeing all over the town on the posters of ‘Fashion‘ and all events thereafter.

Wake up honey, and that pose you‘ve been striking ever since the crown got heavy on your head, darling finishing school drill is over babes.

Anyhoo! I need to go and check on the new handsets in town. See you guys tomorrow. Muah till then.


wat’s dere 4 the biggies in 2009??

The Bitch’s forecast on Bollywood in 2009

Bollywood, more than performance and quality, relies upon astrology, and numerology for success.

So every second person is joining the numerology business lately as this has become the shortcut to earn moolah, and also meet the stars.

Every Monday morning, The Bitch very enthusiastically opens the newspapers to see her weekly forecast, but invariably, none of the predictions work. Infact, just the opposite happens.

2009 is about to begin, and the Bitch was flipping through newspapers, when she hit upon the prediction of a few Bollywood stars, by some numerologist.

The prediction speaks about number 2 and number 7, and God knows some links between them, and going by that, Ash will be a mother in 2008.

The Bitch imagines the scenario at the Bachchan household, when Ash will suddenly standup at the dinning table, and rush to the wash room and throwup, and this is how she will break the good news to her hubby darling…”Suniyeji…blush blush blush…biting her nails and looking at his eyes, and then down again…aap baap banne wale ho ji“.

Trust Abhishek to be a killjoy and puncture her happiness with “Kiska, kaise?”

2009 will be the year when Abhishek will come out to biwi about him and John. They‘ll both run together to prove it to her!

Amitabh Bachchan, according to the prediction, is likely to go through severe stress and disappointment and likely to be deceived in financial matters.

Well…all is fare in love and war. Haven‘t the Bachchans backstabbed lots of actors, and got them replaced from films? Akshay Khanna and Kareena kapoor will vouch for that. Akshay for sure will say, “Sirji, kiye ka bhugtaan to bharna hi padega na“.

2009 will be the year Big B will have killed all the bloggers in town. No connection why?

The deadliest prediction is that of Shahrukh…according to which his family will suddenly discover his spiritual side this year. What the hell does that mean?

Is he likely to drape himself in yards of saffron clothes and head straight towards Kashi, or will he become a celibate?

Poor Gauri…it‘s either Karan or straight away celibacy. Well…each to his own.

2009 will be the year SRK will announce his own Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. It will not be Gauri and him. It will not be K-Jo and him. It will be him and rab ji. Haule haule…

Ranbir Kapoor, is likely to have a moderate year…not a bad, but not a very good year either.

With his philandering habits, he isn‘t expected to have a fantastic year anyways. With every new film, comes the news of his new liaison. How long can he drag himself like that?

Also, 2009 will be the year when all the haseenas will get over him and line up for Neil Nitin Mukesh, who‘s still single we hear!!! Why?

The Saif-Kareena relation will go through ups and downs, and may eventually end. Thank God! The Bitch will no longer have to bear updates about Kareena‘s reaction when Saif sneezes, or Saifu‘s reaction when Kareena has her breakfast.

Dear tattoo!!! It will have to be rubbed so hard. We hope Saifu doesnt lose his memory like Aamir in ‘Ghajini‘ and gets violent at the sight of the tattoo on his arm everytime he raises his arm to check time on his watch. Somebody please time his watch for 15 minute alerts!!!

2009 is the year Bebo will be bored with Saifu and prowl for another man in town. But where are the men?

Preity may have ups and downs in her relationship, which will eventually affect her health. Bitch‘s advise to you babes, get married and settle down into matrimonial bliss.

Doing dull films like ‘Heaven On earth‘, and ‘Heroes‘ in the name of arty farty, will do no good to you.

2009 is the year Ness will name a jumbo plane after Preity, and no we‘re not hinting that she‘ll be the size of the plane to fit her only!

Kats babes will do great in terms of her career atleast till the mid of the year. But has numerology got to do anything with it? She anyways piggybacks on Akki, and this year too she will, in her films, ‘Blue‘, and ‘De Dana Dan‘.

The forecast says her compatibility with Salman is just about okay, and that she should rather focus on her career. Wow…what a great forecast. As if we were not aware of that.

2009 is the year Kats will prove it to her critics that she still can‘t act even for a single frame!

Now let the Bitch predict Sallubhai‘s fortune in the forthcoming year. He‘ll still be seeing plenty of Russian chicks on the side, when Kats is not looking.

We didn‘t need to predict that? What are you looking forward from Bollywood in 2009? Share your Bollywood dreams.