7 habits of highly explosive item girls Item girls in India, often shed as much clothes as mainstream actresses do, expose as much cleavage and limbs as them, and shake their hips as much as they do. But alas! They do not get their share of fame, adulation and admiration. The Bitch is pretty much moved by their plight and here are some advises she would like to give these spicy girls, to achieve glory, fame and money without having to slog like a street urchin.
1) Walk into an event or party wearing a gown with thin straps. Ask your arm-candy to pull the strings, just at the right moment. Make it a point to see that the photographs appear on the media the next day. There is no looking back after that. Look at the number of offers you get thereafter. You may be Bhandarkar‘s or Bhatt‘s next inspiration. Even Hussain may capture you on his canvas. Voila! You have arrived and how, the twins will have to be patted and thanked.
2)Go under the knife. Make sure, if nothing else, you atleast get a b**b job done. Don‘t pay your surgeon. He will leak out the news to the media. See, you have not only got shiny new implants, you have successfully managed to implant your own stories absolutely without any effort. Apart from having great t*ts, you‘ll be flooded with offers. You may also walk on the red carpet aside Jackie Chan in Cannes and we won‘t mind if you wear only your jewels.
3)Wear a short skirt and forget to wear lingerie. You have hectic schedules. Some things may skip your mind. So? Big deal! Make sure you are standing over a fan. How you do it is not our headache. If you have to hang upside down on a ceiling for the fan under you, so be it. Everyone cant‘ get as lucky as Marilyn Monroe you see. You may be placed in the league of Paris Hilton thereafter. No Indian actress has dared it so-far. Not even Sherlyn Chopra. So you can take the credit. ‘I forgot my panty‘ quotes will scream and tear through national headlines. From page 3 to page 1 dahling.
4)Ask your boyfriend to cheat on you. Call it quits, and then ask him to knock at your door with bouquets and chocolates. Inform the media in advance. When the media arrives, slap him tight, shed tears, get emotional, and then make-up and kiss. You will be a treat to the eyes for all those who are bored of Rakhi Sawant. Reality tv, here you come, we‘ll all be hooked for a tamasha.
5) Make love to your boyfriend. Ask your partner to circulate the photographs via MMS, and then split with him. Tell the world that was his way of taking revenge from you for dumping him. Boo-hoo, still, the world will get to see the curves they would die to eat. Lucky girl.
6) Send a legal notice to a top-notch director, accusing him of casting couch. In the notice, mention that you slept with him for years as he promised you, main lead in a film and marriage. The case may eventually be dismissed, but you will get your due share of publicity and bad ass films. Your film posters will be a rage in local loos.
7)Participate in a friggin‘ reality show and get as nasty and dirty as you can. Be foul-mouthed, mean and disgusting, shake your booty and drop clothes in the shower. The audience will hate you, but producers won‘t. You just inked yourself a trashy 3 films deal baby!
Statutory Warning The Toasting Toaster is not responsible for any mishap in the course of these stunts. Any resemblance of these girls to each other is purely fictional and co-incidental to them thinking alike. The Toasting Toaster cannot be tried for brain washing brain dead girls.